Increscunt Animi
by Proxii Bleu
Summary: After River becomes ill Simon questions his ability as a doctor - Chapter Eight Now Up!
1. A Pleasant Surprise

Title: Increscunt Animi  
  
Author: Proxii Bleu  
  
Summary: River becomes ill causing Simon to question his abilities as a doctor  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Season One  
  
Author's Note: Here it is! A brand new fic! If you're wondering the title is Latin for 'The Spirit Grows'. Anyway read it, tell me if you love it or hate it. This is my first attempt at writing drama so please be kind :)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, just write 'em  
  
Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
I  
  
"It's...mature." Simon Tam stood in the cargo bay of the salvage ship Serenity watching as his sister River rummaged through a large box of clothes that had been a gift from Inara. Normally, the young girl ran about the ship in hand-me-downs from Kaylee, but after stopping on Hazel's Folly the Companion had bought the box out of storage, and presented it to River as a birthday surprise. Supposedly they were clothes she had worn when she was younger, but by just looking at them one could tell that even then Inara knew what to wear in order to make herself more attractive to the opposite sex.  
  
It was driving Simon nuts.   
  
"She's only eighteen Inara, some of these things-" The doctor held up a shimmery purple dress with spaghetti straps, and a matching fishnet sweater. "Are more appropriate for someone who is a little older."  
  
"You are being obtuse." Remarked River as she pulled the items out of her brother's hands. After the crew's run-in with Niska, and the mysterious rebel-agent Selma Ennes and her son the young genius had been doing better. Her tendency to behave strangely and talk in code was still prevalent, but there was a clarity in her eyes that hadn't been there before. A confidence that caused her brother to smile as she became more and more like the girl her remembered, and not the one he had found half sane in a government lab.  
  
"I am not being obtuse, I am being reasonable." River shook her dark head, the short strands shining oddly in the dim light of the cargo bay. For some reason she preferred nowdays to have her hair dyed with a purple rinse so that each strand was a different shade of violet. No one could figure out why, but it was part of the new look that River sported, and to Simon it was a sign of her increasing normalcy to be interested in frivolous things such as hair.  
  
"If you were reasonable you wouldn't be thinking of ways to hide my present."  
  
"Why not try the things that Kaylee's family sent you?" Seeing as how it was River's birthday Kaylee had contacted her mother, and asked her to send along some old clothes. The result had been an array of pajamas, socks, pants, and outdoor wear that had been worn at one time or another by either Kaylee or one of her siblings. River just stared at Simon, and went back to her rummaging.  
  
"I'll not be a child forever Simon."  
  
"True, but you're still a brat." River let out a squeal of indignation, and flung a sock-roll at her brother's head. Simon ducked, and prepared to toss the little blue ball back at his sister when something behind her caused him to stop. All of the light faded out of his eyes, along with his smile, just leaving a confused frown in it's place. River turned to see what had killed the joy in her brother, and saw Kaylee standing weakly in the entrance to the cargo bay.  
  
"Hey." Niska, when he had been aboard the ship almost a month ago had shot Serenity's engineer at point-blank-range, and left her to die outside of the cockpit. Unfotunately he had underestimated the strength contained in young woman, not expecting that she would drag herself all the way down to the crew deck in order to warn Mal that the deranged killer was on board.  
  
The result was that River had been able to get her to medbay in time, the downside was that Kaylee had been bedridden for the past three weeks, and had only recently begun to take short walks. The fact that she was now in the cargo bay showed that she had pushed herself past her current limits, and was now wheezing softly as her body strained to take in more air despite it's still-healing lungs.   
  
There was a ghost of a smile on her lips, but Simon who was standing opposite of her looked as if the world had dropped out from underneath of him. Unless he was directly needed by Kaylee, lately it seemed as if he was trying to avoid her, and the rest of the crew for that matter. Mal had bet Zoe ten credits earlier that they wouldn't be able to get him out of his room before noon, but he hadn't counted on it being River's birthday, so the captain now owed Zoe ten extra credits next payday.   
  
Shuffling forward, she gratefully took Inara's hand, and joined River who was staring at Simon with a frown on her pale face. There was something new that she hadn't sensed before radiating off of Simon, but she couldn't quite put in into words just yet.  
  
"Hey, what did you get for presents?" River turned back to the boxes in the cargo bay, and smiled.  
  
"I got clothes from you and Inara, Mal and Zoe gave me a quilt, Book gave me a flexi copy of 'The Tempest' but I've read the real play already. Wash said he would give me piloting lessons, and Simon already gave me an art kit, but he got me something else in that box over there." Kaylee looked at the small cardboard container in the corner, and waited as River retrieved it.  
  
Carefully the two girls undid the lid, and gasped as they peered inside. A fuzzy black head poked up out of the box, revealing two triangle ears, and wide green eyes. Inara smiled as the kitten crept out of it's tiny prison, and hopped down to the floor.  
  
"Wow," said Kaylee. "What are you going to call him?" River didn't get to answer because Jayne chose that moment to walk through in search of an AG cart, saw the kitten, and stopped in his tracks.  
  
"Mal isn't going to like having a hairball on his ship." River looked down at the kitten, over at the mercenary, and to everyone's surprise (including Jayne) gave the bigger man a hug.  
  
"Thank you, now I have a name for my kitten - Hairball." With that she picked up the tiny wad of fluff, and skipped off happily to her room. Jayne stood glaring at Simon, Inara, and Kaylee who were all trying not to snicker at the look on the merc's face.  
  
"I just wan't ya'll to know right now that if anyone EVER finds out that I was hugged there'll be three less plates come meal time." All three nodded solmnely as Jayne stalked off muttering about 'crazy gorram girl" and "had to go make a guy feel all womanly'.   
  
Poor Jayne.  
  
***  
  
Simon wasn't feeling well. He wasn't sick physically, not in the least, but it was his mind that troubled him. It was nighttime, the rest of the crew was asleep, but for once the doctor was awake at an insane hour. In the other room River was sleeping peacefully, wrapped up in the quilt Mal and Zoe had given her, and seemingly oblivious to the turmoil plaguing her brother.  
  
Only a month ago Kaylee had been a happy young woman, and now she was a wheezing ghost that would forever bear a long ugly scar from where Simon had cut into her. He had used every skill available to him when closing her up, but she would still have a scar on her chest. A permanent ugly mark that she would naturally blame him for, something that would be used to remind him of his own failure as a physician.  
  
Rolling over on his side, Simon stared at the wall sadly. If he had been on Ariel, he would have the tools neccessary to completely reomove the blemish, but he didn't have such things on Serenity. In fact, outside of River, he had nothing. His father had ruined all of his personal accounts, his mother had not spoken to him for over a year long before the situation surrounding River came to light, his sister herself was permanently damaged from the government institution she had been held prisoner in, and to make matters worse she had a better rapport with Mal than with him.  
  
"Arghh!" Simon flopped over onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling. He was a healer! A doctor! When he had attended the medical academy on Jullian he had graduated at the top of his class, spent hours pouring over every bit of information he could find on his chosen profession, and before the situation surrounding his personal life he had been one of the most respected surgeons on staff despite his lack of seniority.  
  
Yet despite all of those accomplishments, deep down inside he still felt as though he had failed somehow. It was a small nusiance that had plagued him over the years, but now that he was on Serenity it was a constant companion. Everywhere he looked he could see signs of his failure, the absolute confirmation that he had let down everyone who had ever believed in him. Here he was the product of a prestigious school working on a salvage ship, with a mentally disturbed sister, and patients who had been in far better shape before he came along.  
  
In the dark, a lone tear streaked down Simon's face as he bit back the urge to whmper as his emotions overwhelmed him. It had been a long time since such dark thoughts had intruded upon his consciousness, but he found himself thinking back to an incident in his youth involving a small bottle of his mother's anti-depressants. It had been after he had recieved a D+ on an exam instead of his usual A, and if Robert Tam was anything he was demanding, and unrelenting when he detected failure.  
  
Simon had ended up in the hospital, yet he had chalked up his little slip to feeling down about a girl who had left him, and managed to convince the doctors that he had only taken the drugs as a way to lift his sour mood. His immense knowledge of medicine even then had been the ace up his sleeve, but River who was only seven at the time waited until the adults had left the room, and simply said:  
  
"You told a tale."  
  
"I had to."  
  
"Because you're sad?" If Simon had known what his sister was back then, he sure as hell would have made sure that she never showed her unique insight into human nature to their parents. It hadn't taken Simon long to figure out that his father had been part of the entire conspiracy against his little sister, but he hoped that was one fact that River couldn't pull free from his mind. There was already enough pain in her life, she didn't need any more.  
  
"I'm not sad River, just..."  
  
"Upset that Daddy doesn't love you no matter what." Simon had just gaped at River like he did even now, and for once didn't protest as she climbed into his lap. Something that normally would have resulted in her being tumbled to the floor.  
  
"Don't worry Simon, I love you even though you're a doo-doo head." Simon had just laughed, and held his sister. A bond forming instantly between them that hadn't been broken since. River was his strength, his touchstone. She had kept him sane through some of the darkest chapters of his life, yet now she was shattered into a thousand pieces. According to what Mal had told him after deciphering her code, she was recovering. Her mind or 'the ocean' as she called it was starting to refill, and transform into a beautiful world of life, instead of a 'rank and dirty sea'. Everyday he could see the small improvements, but as selfish as it was he was lost without her there to guide him.  
  
He wanted her to get better, no he 'needed' her to get better. Without her, Simon knew he wouldn't ever really be able to find himself. Yet, he had no choice but to fumble about in the dark. Closing his eyes against the gloom, he turned on his side, and tried to think about something other than his complete inability to do anything right.  
  
Outside of his bedroom door River stood in the hallway staring at the dark rectangle that led to him. Normally she would have gone inside, laid down next to him, and comforted him through the night.  
  
But she couldn't.  
  
There were too many holes in her mind still, the ocean was refilling, but slowly. She could if she so wished complete the process faster, but fear kept that part of her mind locked still. It wasn't time yet, not yet. Even though she could feel Simon crying out to her. Sniffling, she wobbled back into her room, and collapsed onto her bed.  
  
Maybe sleep would offer a welcome respite. 


	2. Mal vs Hairball

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
(Note: Sorry for the delay! I've been working, and also putting the finishing touches on my next big fic! Don't worry there won't be a sucky ending like in 'Fragile'.)  
  
II  
  
"Zoe?"   
  
"Yeah?" Mal stood in the small kitchen that was attached to the mess, and stared down at Hairball who was greedily chewing on a piece of imitation bacon. The small kitten had only been on board for a few days, yet already he had earned an enemy - Mal. It wasn't personal, the captain did't have anything against cats, but in his experience they usually were demonic furballs that clawed anything in their path.  
  
He had the scars to prove it.  
  
"Why is there a cat in the kitchen?"  
  
"Huh?" Zoe came into the room, spied the kitten, and melted into a babbling, emotional mess. She was only two-and-a-half months pregnant, but the hormones coursing through her veins caused her to either turn into a man's worst nightmare, or the exact opposite such as the imposter who was now cooing at the kitten, and wearing Zoe's face.  
  
Mal could just kill Wash.  
  
"Awww Mal, how can you hate something so cute?"  
  
"Easy, I look at it, say I hate it, and out the airlock it goes."  
  
"MAL!"  
  
"Fine, I'll dump it off at a nice pet shop on Beechwater when we get there. Zoe, stop cuddling it!" Zoe shot Mal a poisonous look, and set the kitten down.  
  
"You are an evil man sir."  
  
"Why thank you Zoe." Mal watched his first officer walk off into the mess where Wash greeted her with open arms, and a string of nonsense directed at her midsection. Letting out a heavy sigh, her turned to look at the kitten who was hacking up a wad of fur in the corner.  
  
"I know, it makes me sick too." Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he started helping himself to breakfast when Kaylee came wandering into the room. Simon had cleared her to start eating regular food, but in small amounts. Mal smiled as she slowly walked into the room, and carefully took out a plate.  
  
"Hey Lil' Kaylee, how you feelin'?"  
  
"Fine captain, but it still hurts to laugh. Hey Hairball, here kitty, kitty, kitty." Hairball tumbled over to Kaylee who scooped him up, and fed him a tuny bit of egg. Mal almost dropped his mug.  
  
"Wait, no it does NOT have a name. I forbid anyone on this ship to get attached to-"  
  
"Hairball."  
  
"Hair - no I am not..." Mal struggled to finsih his train of thought. "It is a cat, and it goes. Kay Winnit Lee Frye..." Kaylee had already whipped out her best set of puppy-dog eyes, a definite threat to the majority of Mal's resolve, but he refused to back down.  
  
"No. I said no, it goes on Beechwater, so you can pout all you want Hairball is finished."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kaylee didn't have a chance as River snatched her pet out of the mechanic's hands, and ran as fast as she could away from Mal. Taking refuge behind Book who had just risen she glared malevolently at the captain who was now wondering if he should get some aspirin to go with his coffee.  
  
"What is it with you people when I give orders? I say no cat, everyone decides its Mutiny Monday. Am I missing something here?" Kaylee raised her hand.  
  
"Yes Miss. Frye?"  
  
"It's River's brithday present from Simon."  
  
"Aww, he gave her a kitten. It still goes." Mal just blinked as a biscuit bounced off the side of his head. Everyone at the table however was looking at the ceiling, their plates, and the floor. No one was going to take the blame, although given it's trajectory-  
  
"Wash, consider yourself on night rounds for the rest of the week."  
  
"It wasn't me."  
  
"Was too." Jayne who had been standing out in the hall sauntered in, and poured himself a cup of coffee. Picking up the biscuit off the floor he sniffed it, and took a bite. "Still tastes like ya." Mal and Zoe exchanged looks before returning to the matter at hand.   
  
"Look I don't care if Book's God came down out of the sky, and put the damn thing in her hands it still goes. End of discussion." River started crying, Kaylee pouted, and Simon who had finally made his way to the mess with Inara stood wondering what was going on.  
  
"What happened to River?"  
  
"Mal decided to get rid of the kitten."   
  
"Figures, the man's a son of a bitch anyhow." Zoe dropped her cup of coffee, Inara gasped, Kaylee just gaped, while Simon himself stalked into the kitchen, helped himself to the food, and vanished back into the hall. Wash was still trying to form a sentence when Jayne broke the silence.  
  
"Bout time he found his manhood."  
  
"Not manhood," said River softly. "Troubled waters that wash over his mind, and darken his soul." Her brown eyes rested on Kaylee. "All because of the Siren who sings a song, that never crosses her lips, or the purity of her heart." Mal who had caught the tail-end of things frowned at River who scooped up Hairball, and headed for the cargo bay.  
  
"River, you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine Mal, my tummy is troubling."  
  
"Then have some breakfast." River shook her head slowly.  
  
"I said my tummy was troubling, not scavenging." With that she left, leaving the rest of the crew looking at Mal for an explanation.  
  
"I guess she wasn't hungry." Looking around Mal noticed the spilled cups, Zoe's broken mug, and the shocked expressions of the rest of the crew.  
  
"Did I miss something?"  
  
***  
  
Later that afternoon, Mal sat in Inara's shuttle playing cards with her, and making idle chitchat. Normally the two were at each other's throats with stinging barbs, and underhanded insults, but they still made time for a civilized game of poker. As usual the Companion was winning, yet Mal had managed to tuck a few games under his belt. The game was a way for them to socialize without actually having to do so, as well as trade gossip. Mainly information concerning his crew.  
  
For some reason when someone needed to bare their soul, they either came to Inara, or Book. Nine times out of ten, it was the former. Mal put his hand on the table, four queens. Inara smiled graciously, and revealed four jacks. This time the round went to the captain.  
  
"You're playing better tonight. Have you been practicing?"  
  
"Nope, just doing what comes natural, same as you." Inara smiled, her face taut as she ignored his little remark.  
  
"Well all things are instinct Mal, a pig rolls in mud because that is what nature designed it to do. Wouldn't you agree?"  
  
"For a Companion you're very good at sarcasm." Inara beamed at the captain, and shuffled the cards.  
  
"Only because I have an excellent teacher." The two sat in silence for a few minutes as the Companion dealt out the cards, Mal biding his time before-  
  
"You might as well ask Mal." Caught off guard he fumbled the slips of stiff paper in his hand.  
  
"Huh?" Inara just stared at him, her dark eyes boring into his own as she waited for him to speak. The Companion was no fool, she knew the main reason why Mal came to her shuttle to play poker every Monday afternoon, and why during that time he went out of his way to be civil. It was his way of trying to be suave, without his usual charm that was as smooth as trimming a bonsai tree with a machete.  
  
"Hmmm?" Mal gathered himself, and shuffled his hand. Two aces, a five, a two, and a seven.  
  
"Well seein' as how you want me to be blunt, do you know what's bothering the boy?"  
  
"Wash or Simon?"  
  
"Simon, I already know what's wrong with Wash."  
  
"I wouldn't know," said Inara quietly as she drew a card. "Lately he's been distant, withdrawn. Last Friday he didn't join me for dinner, only River and Book came."  
  
"Was he tired?"  
  
"I don't think that's it Mal, even when absolutely fatigued Simon always attends dinner. I have entertained him at times for only a few minutes before he employed the use of my bed." Mal choked on his coffee.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Mind the gutter Mal, he sleeps in my bed, nothing more. Remember our agreement? I do not service your crew. Besides Simon isn't the type I'd indulge."  
  
"Why? The fact that he has no money?"  
  
"No, because he is my friend, and I cherish such relationships. You should try it sometime captain, although I think you already have one such person."  
  
"Oh really? Who?" Inara just smiled, and shuffled her cards.  
  
"Maybe next Monday Mal, for now I need to rest, I have an appointment on Beechwater."  
  
"Wouldn't lying down defeat the purpose of restin'?" The Companion smled thinly, and retreated into the confines of her shuttle.  
  
"No more than you trying to avoid the mud Malcolm." 


	3. A Complicated Turn

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
(Note: I'd just like to assure everyone now, that this fic will not have a sucky ending like Fragile!)  
  
III  
  
They still had the cat.  
  
Mal still couldn't quite figure out how that came to be, but Hairball was still aboard Serenity. They had stopped at Beechwater as scheduled, made the run, yet Zoe had managed to keep him distracted just long enough for them to be well underway before he noticed the black tuft of fur sleeping contentedly between Wash's dinosaurs. Yelling wasn't going to change anything, the kitten was still there, but not for long since once they reached their destination Hairball was done for. Mal was going to see to it personally that he was put off somewhere other than his ship.  
  
However, the puss had only been given a stay of abandonment due to the fact that Simon was acting strangely, and the last thing Mal needed was River getting wind of it. Lately the doctor had been reserved, quiet, and short-tempered with the rest of the crew. Inquiries about his health was met with short replies, stares, and the boy's backside as he retreated into his room.  
  
Mal knew first-hand that Simon was a private person, but not the the point that he spent almost every minute of the day cooped up in his bedroom. Normally he was in the medbay, in fact most of the time he slept there. The continuing abnormality in the physician's behavior was starting to concern Mal, which meant it was starting to get out of hand. Leaning back in his chair he tried to clear his mind, and think of something other than problems.  
  
Things were going good, they had a good haul, and more credits meant less creditors. Yet Mal's mind was unwilling to look on the bright side of things, it wasn't his nature, and as usual the pessimism won out.  
  
"Dark thoughts produce black holes." Mal opened his eyes. River stood in the doorway to his quarters watching him from the shadows. She was dressed in a soft black dress with a matching sweater that ended just an inch above the hem. Her brown eyes were unusually bright, and if Mal didn't know any better it looked like she was in some sort of pain. Maybe she had another headache.  
  
"Sometimes all a person can see are black holes." River stepped down into the room, her thin form gliding over to his bed where she sat down. Mal could see that there was definitely something wrong, her face was overly-pale, and covered with a thin sheen of sweat.  
  
"That's your gift, to see the light in the dark, but for Simon there is no light right now. His light is broken, shattered, it's flame only just beginning to burn again."  
  
"What are you talking about River?" The girl simply pointed at herself. Mal nodded.  
  
"Ah, so he's worried about you?"  
  
"And the Siren who never sings. He fears that he has stolen her voice, and killed her laughter. He doesn't know that he gives her these things everyday, just as he gives the light in the darkness kindling to burn."  
  
"Well sometimes people need strength from others, but your brother is pretty strong. I think he's just going through a phase."  
  
"The moon goes through phases Mal, this is nothing of the sort."  
  
"Okay, is his darkness from this Siren?"  
  
"She is the wellspring of all things good, but to him she pours waters of poison."  
  
"It's Inara isn't it?" River shook her head, and lay back on the bed. There was so little time left to explain, but Mal always figured it out eventually. Hopefully, he wouldn't fail her now.  
  
"No, not the weeping willow. Her branches offer comfort, a release from pain, even though she cannot find it herself. The willow had not yet learned to weep for herself. I am talking about the Siren who sings beautiful songs, and brings joy to everyone with her gift of laughter."  
  
"Zoe?"  
  
"Simon is not close to Zoe!"  
  
"Kaylee?"  
  
"Sir Galahad finally receives his divine vision, and has the clarity to see the Holy Grail."  
  
"You could've just said yes."  
  
"I could also annihalate Jayne in 6.5 seconds of an initial attack, but merely avoiding him is much simpler." Mal shifted uncomfortably in his seat. There were times when River could be as sweet as spring honey, and then there were moments where she was downright scary.  
  
This was one of those moments.  
  
"That's nice River, but why would Kaylee make Simon sad? From what I've seen no one can be sad in her presence."  
  
"That is the point Mal, she is a wonderful person!" River was in the state that Zoe referred to as 'fully-operational' where her mind was able to properly use the pathways that had been formed to compensate for the damage to her frontal lobe. The only bad news was that it never lasted long.   
  
"I know that River, so what is causing Simon to be sad?"  
  
"He can no longer hear her beautiful song, or enjoy the fruits of her laughter. He feels that he has stolen her light...DAMN!" Mal jumped at the shift in the girl's behavior. "If only I could make you comprehend and understand, but my voice is twisted into the shattered cries of a demented poet!"  
  
"Hey, hey, hey!" Mal held River as she twisted about in frustration. Up close he could feel the unnatural heat radiating off of her body, and smell the sticky-sweet odor of illness in her sweat. Yep, she was sick, but with what?  
  
"Everything will work out, okay?" River sniffled in the crook between his shoulder and neck.  
  
"My tummy is troubling me." Mal sat down next to her, and put a hand on her forehead. If anything her temperature had risen.  
  
"You have an upset stomach?"  
  
"It feels as though I am being eviscerated."  
  
"You want to go to medbay?"  
  
"I want to go lie down. I'll feel better in the morning."  
  
"River-"  
  
"Mal-" The two stared at each other for a few minutes before River got up from her seat, and ascended the stairs that led out of Mal's room. The captain watched as she paused in the hallway, turning slightly to look at him as he stared.  
  
"You should try sitting amongst the pipes sometime. Through them you can see everything." With that she disappeared. Leaning back in his seat, Mal looked up at the ceiling as he thought about what River had said. He didn't see how Kaylee could be the cause of Simon's recent change of behavior, if anything he should be happy that he'd saved her life, but there was that other part of River's message that he had yet to interpret. Shaking his head, Mal got to his feet, and decided to go to mess. Since Zoe was pregnant, Wash was doing some of the cooking, and tonight he had made a spicy sweet and sour dish that had been on Mal's mind long after dinner had ended. It was the reason why Book was passed out in his quarters asleep, Jayne was conked out in the sitting room, and the rest of the crew (minus Mal) was still rubbing their stomachs after gorging themselves earlier.  
  
Walking down the hall, he was halfway to mess when he heard a low yowl from behind a series of heating conduits in one of the recesses in the wall. Curious he looked down to see Hairball hunched up in a ball staring as a gap in the plating, his tail switching back and forth as he stared into the gloom.  
  
"This is why you should be on a nice farm somewhere, instead of my ship." Mal squeezed behind the tubes, and scooped up the kitten. Almost immediately, Hairball started purring much to Mal's chagrin. Dumping the cat in the hall, he prepared to leave when he heard someone moving quietly in the kitchen. Peering though the the gaps in the conduits, he watched as Kaylee moved from the fresher to the sink in order to get a plate for herself. It appeared that she was helping herself to a small omlette. Smiling, Mal watched as she broke the eggs into a bowl, threw in some cheese, and gave a piece to Hairball who was pawing at her leg.  
  
"Here you go kitty." she whispered, before dumping the eggs into the nearby skillet. Apparently she had changed her mind somewhere in the middle of things, and was scrambling the slippery mess. When she was done, she emptied them onto her plate with a leftover dinner roll. Heading back over to the fresher, she peered inside as she looked for the synthetic milk. Through the throb of the engines he could hear her trying to sing as she went about her buisiness. It was obvious that it was a strain on her to use her voice, but it didn't stop her nonetheless.  
  
Shaking his head, Mal turned to leave his hiding place when he noticed Simon standing outside of the mess. He was leaning against the wall beside the door, just out of sight of Kaylee, but as Mal watched he could see the doctor's face contort into a silent sob as he listened to the ghastly wheeze coming out of the young woman's throat.  
  
"I'm so sorry." he hissed as he tried to keep his tears silent. In the kitchen Kylee stopped what she was doing, and peered at the door.  
  
"Is someone out there? Jayne? Captain?" Simon stepped away from the wall, his movements careful and quiet as he sped away from the mess. Apparently, River wasn't the only one who could run about without making a sound. Kaylee came out of the mess with her plate in hand, and a confused look on her face. Shrugging she went back in to enjoy her meal. Sucking in his breath, Mal squeezed out from behind the tubes, and into the hall. Remembering what River said earlier he looked back at the conduits.  
  
"...You should try sitting amongst the pipes sometime..." Mal rolled his eyes towards the mess as he put two-and-two together.  
  
"And the Siren who never sings." he muttered to himself. Kaylee re-emerged from the room, with her now half-empty plate in hand.  
  
"Hey captain, you want some eggs?" Mal smiled at her, as he realized that probably one day he would simply crack. His crew consisted of a mind-reading genius who talked in code, the brother of said genuis who was having some sort of inferiority complex, a homicidal maniac, a preacher who by all accounts wasn't, a mysterious prostitute, a grown child, and a first officer who was married to the child with one on the way.  
  
At least Kaylee was normal. Walking over to the sink, he took a mug out of the cabinet, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He didn't know what number this one was, he'd stopped counting at fifteen.  
  
"Made too many?"  
  
"Yeah, that and I didn't cook them to well so they're a little runny." Kaylee peered at the plate. Her brow furrowing slightly as she examined her food.   
  
"You know what?" Mal looked up from his drink. The plate of half-runny eggs was now right under his nose. "This one yolk right here looks just like the snot that was always hanging out of my little cousin Jamie's nose."  
  
Mal's stomach turned over as he looked at the slimy mess. Any hunger he had felt before immediately vanished as his mind compared the two substances and instantly agreed that Kaylee was right about the resemblance. Calmly he poured out his coffee into the sink, and let out a slow breath. Yep, he was definitely going to go crazy one of these days.  
  
Probably sooner than later. 


	4. A Break In The Wall

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
IV  
  
River didn't feel well. Her stomachache had taken a turn for worse, and now she was sure that there was something wrong. She had aches and pains in the past, but this one was different. It was more insistent, unrelenting, and as she rolled over onto her side in order to see what time it was she realized that moving only made it worse. In the corner she could see the burnished surface of her gold disc. Normally it was the first thing that she looked at in the morning, her mind turning over possibilities as to what the symbols meant, but now it was the last thing she wanted to see.  
  
Shuffling down into her pillows, she tried to think of something other than the pain stretching up throughout her side. Going back to sleep was out of the question, but lying there for the time being was a good plan. Closing her eyes, she feigned sleep, only to have someone poke her gently in the arm.  
  
Kaylee stood over her smiling, the matress dipping down as she sat on the bed. River bit back an urge to groan, and instead forced a smile.  
  
"Hey River."  
  
"Hey Kaylee." The mechanic smiled as she leaned back against the wall behind River's bed. Her body exhausted already just from the short walk from her quarters, down to the girl's. Simon had told her to take it easy, but Kaylee was not one of those people who like being idle. It was already bad enough that she couldn't work on her beloved Serenity as much as usual, at best she could only supervise as either Mal or Jayne worked on whatever needed to be fixed.  
  
It was frustrating.  
  
"You ready to get up yet?"  
  
"Not really, the morning is still young."  
  
"Actually it's lunchtime. You slept right through breakfast." River reached for her clock, and turned it so that she could read it better. Kaylee was right, it was later in the afternoon, yet she still felt drained. This was definitely not a good sign. Kaylee noticed the tight expression on River's face, it was as if the girl was trying to hold something back.  
  
"River are you okay?"  
  
"No different than usual."  
  
"Are you sure? Because you look like there's something wrong."  
  
"I'm fine, just hungry." Kaylee scooted over as River sat up to put on her shoes. Despite what she had said Kaylee could tell that River was trying to move carefully in an effort to keep from aggravating whatever was bothering her. There were times when the girl could be downright blunt about her ailments, yet for some reason this time she was keeping to herself. Maybe it had something to do with her dislike of needles. Whever Simon had to give her a physical it usually required Book and Jayne to chase her down in order to physically carry her to the medbay, and after having been kicked one too many times Jayne had bowed out, so Mal was now the one who had to help collect her with the preacher.  
  
Kaylee couldn't really blame her. From what she had overheard from the senior crew about what had been done to River, it made sense that she would hate anything associated with medicine. With the exception of Simon. Shuffling over to the door, Kaylee followed River as she stepped out into the hall. They could both smell what Zoe was making for lunch, but only one of them was looking forward to eating.  
  
Hopefully, things wouldn't go as badly as expected.  
  
***  
  
"Morning sunshine." River sat down at the table, as Zoe came over with a steaming skillet. Normally, everyone had a nice hot bowl of protien mush to look forward to in the afternoon, but with their recent good fortune they could afford actual rations even though they were of the textured or synth variety. It was no secret that Mal was happy with the fact that for once their larder was three-quarters full, unstead of low to the point that white goop was the main dish.  
  
Today's lunch consisted of potatoes (real), meat loaf (textured), and gravy that normally made Simon's stomach cringe but after Zoe had gotten a hole of it he could hardly tell that it wasn't the real thing. River on the other hand felt faintly nauseous as her plate was put in front of her. Jayne noticed the look on her face, and pointed his fork at her.  
  
"Don't tell me you're gettin' finicky on us now?" Everyone's attention turned to River.  
  
"Not finicky, just questioning."  
  
"Well quit questioning, and start eating." said Mal as he dug into his plate. River poked at her meat loaf for a few minutes, things sliding around her plate, but not really making its way to her mouth. Inara who dined with the crew nightly, with the exception of Fridays noticed River's reluctance to eat. Usually, it was her brother who had reservations about what was placed in front of him.  
  
"River are you all right?" River looked down at her plate, her eyes cloed slightly as she leaned back in her chair. The smell of the potatoes and meatloaf were getting to her, the very sight of them reminding her of a small bottle of paste she had eaten once when she was four. Opening her eyes, she took one look at her food, and realized that it was moving. Eyes wide she pitched forward in her seat, and threw up on the table.  
  
Inara shrieked as she stumbled out of her seat, Book, Kaylee, and Wash climbing over each other as they tried to get away from the girl. Simon was holding her shoulders, Mal was yelling, Zoe went to be sick in the kitchen sink, and Jayne was still sitting at the table eating his lunch as if nothing was happening.  
  
"What the hell?" Mal stood a few feet away from Simon who was holding his sister as she emptied the contents of her stomach on the table. He could barely hang onto her as she stumbled away from the mess, in an effort to get back to her room.  
  
"I want to lie down." she moaned as her brother held onto her.  
  
"Damit River, I told you last night to go to medbay!" Simon let River go, the girl falling to the floor in a heap as pain shot up her right side. If it got any worse, she was sure that her body was going to explode. Simon in the meantime was focused on Mal.  
  
"What do you mean you told her to go to medbay last night?"  
  
"She's been sick for the past two days, but everytime anyone has said anything to her she didn't want to go."  
  
"If River was sick, she would have told me!"  
  
"Obviously she didn't, maybe because you've been runnin' around her acting like a jerk all week."  
  
"River knows that she comes first."  
  
"No she doesn't." said River meekly from the corner she had crawled into. "She is a burden that you wish you could shed." Simon looked over at his sister, usually he wasn't sure about what she was talking about, but that had been pretty clear.  
  
"River, that's not true. You know that."  
  
"I know what you think, I know the things that you hide inside, and they are never the things that you say. Only bits of the truth, and pieces of lies." Simon shook his head, this time he was lost. Mal decided to enlighten him.  
  
"She said she knows that you don't like having to take care of her all the time, and you wish you didn't have to."  
  
"That is not true! How the hell would you know anything about me, huh?"  
  
"Because you're gorram sister is a Reader Simon! Don't you get it? She knows when you're lying to her!"  
  
"Shut up! She's nothing of the sort!" Simon laughed bitterly as his sanity began to crack a little. "My god you want to make her out to be some kind of freak like that bitch Ennes!" Mal lifted an eyebrow at the doctor.  
  
"You know what Simon? That very sentiment right there is why your sister is a burden to you, because every other son of a bitch out there felt she was a freak, and you know what? They made her into one." Mal grabbed Simon, and forced him to turn around and look at River who was still cowering in the corner.  
  
"There she is Simon, your little sister, the fucking freak of the Tam family! Such an embarrassment, your own father sent her up to some lab to get her brain cut up!" At this Simon lost his temper, and Mal was unprepared for the doctor's fist. There was a universal gasp from the crew as the two men slammed into the wall, Simon pummeling Mal's sides as the captain tried to get him into a headlock. Kicking the younger man in the shin, Mal shoved him into the kitchen where he stumbled into the wall, and fell to the floor stunned.  
  
Crossing the short expanse between mess and the kitchen, Mal reached for him only to stop. Simon was sitting on the floor, his nose and mouth bloody from the wall, but his entire body was shaking. Not from the pain in his skull, but from sobs. Brief spurts of manic laughter cut through the choking gasps making Mal back up a little as the physician quietly suffered a nervous breakdown. Laughing in a hollow tone, he looked up at Mal who was just staring at him.  
  
"You don't get it," he said through the blood dripping over his upper lip. "I've failed!" No one said a word.  
  
"I've failed everyone and everything, I'm not even a good fucking doctor!" Simon looked over at Kaylee who was hiding behind Wash. "My god, even the woman I love thinks I'm a failure, and why shouldn't she? There's a four inch scar on her chest, and she sounds like a broken horn. My own sister doesn't even come to me when she's sick, because she knows I can't help her!" Simon broke down on the floor, the younger man turning into a pretty sorry sight as he sat there crying miserably.  
  
Inara who had been standing off to the side during the entire affair, stepped out of the shadow she had been hiding in, and came over to where Simon lay. Kneeling down, she took him in her arms as if he were a child. Mal bit into his lip, and looked about uncomfortably as he tried to think of something else. The kitchen was a wreck, the table in mess was foul, and the only one who had even had lunch was Jayne who was now mopping his plate with a roll.  
  
"Aw shit." Everyone turned to follow Mal's gaze. Their thoughts running along amost the same lines, as they stared at the far corner.  
  
River had passed out on the floor. 


	5. From Bad To Worse

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
IV  
  
Simon felt sick.  
  
Only forty-five minutes ago his day had been going fine. Then River got sick, he'd punched out Mal, and came to the realization that it was quite possible that everything in his life had been nothing more than a prelude to his current failure. If anything, Tam felt more like dying than anything else. Shifting slightly, he groaned as Jayne gingerly rolled him onto his back.  
  
The doctor had been moved to Inara's shutttle, his sister in Mal's room resting while the Companion tried to help him pull himself together enough to help his sibling. Jayne on the other hand had merely tagged along as Zoe and Book half-carried, half-dragged the physician to Inara's chamber. The mercenary looked at Simon's black eye, and the dried blood surrounding his nose. Carefully he pressed his fingers along it's length.  
  
"We'll it ain't broken, but you're gonna look real bad for about a week."  
  
"How can you tell it's not broken?" Mumbled Simon, Jayne smirked.  
  
"'Cause I've broken enough of 'em to know." Cobb looked over at the door as Inara returned from the shuttle's kitchen carrying a cloth with some ice wrapped up in it. Pressing it against the doctor's face, she looked at Jayne pointedly until he left. Alone, she minstered to Simon's wounds as she tried to think of something to say. However, Tam was a bit of a complicated person, he wasn't as easily placated as some of her clients seeing as how he was both humble, and without ego. If anything Simon Tam was one of the most reserved men she had ever met, which was probably why he had literally exploded when he finally reached his breaking point. Whatever his childhood had been, it most likely hadn't been conducive to emotional expression. That much was obvious given River's 'rebellious' nature, and tendency to act outside of what would have been expected of her had the Alliance not used her for a guinea pig.  
  
"You're staring." Inara looked down at Simon, her slim hands carefully wiping the blood off of his face.  
  
"Actually, I was thinking."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"You, of course." Simon's mouth turned down at the corners. The last thing he wanted right now was some sort of pep talk. Inara noticed the look, but merely smiled. She had his attention, that was good. When a man suspected an offense, it usually revealed hs defense. This was an advantage.  
  
"I was thinking that you do not give yourself the credit that you deserve," said Inara softly. "One might say that you accept failure only because you fear success." Simon scoffed.  
  
"This isn't success Inara, I'm living out in the middle of nowhere with barbarians because of the fact that I wasn't able to-" Tam broke off, his face turning to the far wall.  
  
"Protect River? Fulfill all of the dreams and desires of your family? From experience I can tell you that living such a life, is like accepting a world of beautiful lies. Eventually the ugly truth will come out."  
  
"My sister is a crazy, mind-reading genius. My father purposely sent her to the Academy, my mother is in a borderline catatonic state, and I have nothing to show for everything I've ever worked for. How's that for the ugly truth?"  
  
"I'd say it's quite hideous." Remarked Inara as she went into the bathroom to rinse out the cloth. "Something that would cause even the most civilized of men to act like a perfect barbarian."  
  
"I'm sorry," mumbled Simon. "Mal pushed me."  
  
"Its what he does." said Inara as she returned with the cloth freshly chilled with cold water. "All he was trying to do Simon was make you see River for the gift that she is. Do you really think that she is a freak of nature? Honestly?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you ashamed of her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what is bothering you? You're ashamed of something, otherwise you wouldn't have said the things you did in the kitchen." Simon smiled humorlessly. How could he say this?  
  
"Inara there were certain things expected of me at home, and now...I don't know. I don't fit in out here, I don't know how to be, or really who I am anymore. Haven't you ever felt lost?" Inara smiled, her eyes drifting over towards a locked box that was sitting on her vanity. Yes, she had felt that was once, espcially when she was forced to exist with HIM, and live her life in a prison that was both figurative and physical. She could still see the bars on the window, hear the door creak open...  
  
"Perchance, but that is something that is no longer part of me. I learned to adapt Simon, I learned how to fit into places that were abosolutely alien to my being, and most of all I learned who I was not what others told me to be. Only you can do that Simon, but the question is...can you?"  
  
***  
  
"Poor kid." said Zoe as she sorted through her mail, putting the bills in one pile, and personal correspondence in another. She was sitting in the freshly cleaned mess with Mal and Wash who was playing with his dinosaurs and Hairball. The pilot looked up from his toys, and over at his wife.  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"Simon. I never thought he was the type to crack up, but I guess I was wrong." Mal who was reading one of his latest death threats, just shook his head as he tossed it into the trash.  
  
"You never know the make of a man until he loses his mind Zoe, if anything the war taught me that." Mal sighed as Hairball hopped onto his leg that was perched on the table, and used it as a ladder to crawl down into a position where he could easily get to the floor.  
  
"That kitten is going."  
  
"Yes sir." said Zoe as she frowned at one of her messages. Wash noticed the look on her face, and peered over her shoulder. A big grin lit up his face as a loud "YEEESSSSSSS!" tore it's way out of his throat. Mal looked at his fort officer for an explanation. The flexi slid down the table to where he sat, on it was a fuzzy black and white picture of something.  
  
"Zoe what is this?"  
  
"Simon sent in the films of my sonogram to be developed seince he doesn't have the equipment here, and now I just got my first look at my baby." Mal looked at the blurry image, and arched his eyebrows.  
  
"Why does it have a tail?" he asked midly. Zoe glared at her captain, and snatched the flexi from him.  
  
"Those are legs sir!" Wash grabbed the flexi from his wife, and peered at it.  
  
"Oh, I thought it was a boy." Then the expression on his face changed as he looked at the two black lumps attacked to the rest of the shadow on the film. Planting a kiss on Zoe's face he dashed out into the corridor brandishing the flexi.  
  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT? MY BABY HAS LEGS! TWO OF THEM! WE"VE GOT LEGS!" From the end of the hall, Kaylee's voice drifted up from the stairs leading to one of the lower decks.  
  
"Really? Does Zoe know what it is yet?"  
  
"How about humped?" Shouted Jayne, the remark followed by a short guffaw of laughter. Wash, on the other hand wasn't about to take the insult passively.  
  
"Sorry, Jayne that only applies to your mother." The pilot turned into a streak as he dashed past Mal and Zoe, the mercenray hot on his heels. Sighing, Zoe got up to rescue her husband from Jayne before he got his hands on him.  
  
"Zoe," said Mal as she walked out into the hall. "Why did you marry that man?"  
  
"Because he makes me laugh sir, and I love him."  
  
Mal watched her go, his only company now was Hairball who had made his way back to the table, and was sleeping on the captain's leg. Carefully he picked the puss up off of his resting place, and gingerly carreid him in his hands. He didn't know where Simon had found the creature, normally they were bigger, and expensive to boot since a good kitten cost at least fifteen credits. But, given Hairball's small size he was most likely the runt of the litter. Also, not many people would want to buy a cat with one green eye, and one almost white eye.  
  
Stepping into his quarters, Mal looked down at River who was asleep in his bed. She still had a fever, that much was obvious given the fine sheen of sweat covering her face, but there was a odd peace about the girl. Something that wasn't normally there since her eyes were always haunted, and she was prone to acting crazy. Just last week she had taken a case of Jayne's bullets, and lined them up into a dizzying pattern on the cargo bay floor. No explanation why, just a myriad of black tips formed into something that looked like a spiral galaxy.  
  
On the other hand, she hadn't rubbed soup in her hair again. That was something she seemed to reserve for whenever there was too much tension amongst the crew, and Mal was not stupid enough to believe that it was a coincidence. Covering herself with food was probably her way of distracting them long enough from their problems, to make them think of something humorous.   
  
Putting Hairball on the bed, Mal watched as River slowly opened her eyes, and smiled down at her pet. The kitten tumbled over to her nearby hand, it's tiny paws batting at her fingers playfully.  
  
"How ya feelin'?" asked Mal as he sat down. River smiled sourly, as she scrached Hairball behind his ears.  
  
"Like I've been trampled on by elephants."  
  
"That bad?"  
  
"Simon feels worse." Mal paused, his eyes finding River's as she lay there quietly. As far as he knew she was asleep, and given her current state it didn't seem likely that she would be able to get up, unless...No, that was something that Mal didn't even want to think about. Wisely, he changed the subject.  
  
"What's bothering him?"  
  
"Voices that no longer speak, no longer matter, but still echo in his mind."  
  
"River, you know as well as I do that you're capable of making sense. Can we try crazy-talk light please?"  
  
"He can't stop living his life for others. Better?"  
  
"Makes sense at least. Why can't he stop living for others? It's not hard."  
  
"The two having this conversation know that, but Simon doesn't understand or comprehend how. Older brothers are so troublesome." River set Hairball down on the floor, and the froze. Her body pitching forward slightly as her senses picked up on something that came tearaing through them like a freight train jumping track.  
  
"River? RIVER!" The girl shook in Mal's grasp, her eyes seeing something that he couldn't.  
  
"Feral wolves with claws of blood, and teeth of bone. They speak to me in hollow voices...eyes searching for a firefly." River panicked, it had been a long time since she had felt Reavers, but unlike last time she could now focus. Searching for someone, anyone who could take them in the other direction she saw the key to the crew's safety.  
  
Wash.   
  
Briefly she snapped out of her trance, and looked at Mal. Smiling eerily, she stroked his face, and told him something that hopefully he would interpret as important, and not the result of brain-damage.  
  
"Remember the vulture came in the night, you asked of feral wolves, and I gave you an answer. If they come this way, we will be skins in their dens, and food for their pups." Mal held onto River as her eyes rolled up in her head, and she slumped down in his arms. Frowning, he tried to make sense of what she had just said when he heard Zoe scream. 


	6. River Has A word

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
(Note: Sorry about the lag in updates, life gets hectic sometimes :)   
  
VII  
  
"Drop him, or I drop you." Jayne stood in the sitting room holding Wash by the neck. The pilot was beginning to turn a satisfying shade of purple, but the muzzle of the gun in his back convinced him that holding onto the smaller man would be a painful, or lethal mistake.  
  
"He insulted my Momma." growled the mercenary. The hammer of the gun clicked as Zoe pressed it harder into Jayne's back.  
  
"Do I sound like I care?" Jayne let Wash go, the pilot gasping audibly as he sucked sweet oxygen into his aching lungs. Zoe took the gun out of the larger man's back, and stood watching as her husband regained his ability to breathe. It would be a long time before he would say anything less than benign to Jayne Cobb, not to mention the fact that his neck was going to be purple for about a week with long finger marks.  
  
"Next time, I ain't gonna be nice."   
  
"Likewise." said Zoe as she holstered her weapon. Wash opened his mouth to say something when a sharp pain laced through his skull. Stumbling, he tried to regain his bearings when all trains of thought stopped, the only thing his mind could focus on was a series of jumbled images before a voice like something out a horror movie ripped into him screaming manically about feral wolves, and something about the night.  
  
Staggering, Wash grabbed onto Jayne as his nose began to bleed. Surprised, Jayne knocked him aside, but stopped when he saw the state the pilot was in. Letting out a strangled cry, the younger man fell to the ground writhing feebly, blood trickling out of his nose, and from around his eyes as he passed out.  
  
Staring, Zoe dashed over to where he spouse was lying on the ground. Holding his head, she tried to get him to come around, but- Something out the corner of her eye attracted her attention. Glancing over her shoulder, Zoe gaped as River stood in the corner naked with a shocked expression on her face as she looked down at the pilot. Lifting her gaze to Zoe, she shook her head carefully as if trying to get rid of the image in front of her.  
  
"I only wanted him to listen." said the apparition before disappearing into the wall. Zoe Warren had seen a lot of strange things in her life, many of them inexplicable even now, but seeing Simon's sister seemingly appear out of nowhere was more than her fragile nerves could handle.  
  
She screamed.   
  
***  
  
Mal raced through the corridors at top speed. Zoe did NOT scream. Never, in all the time he had known her had the woman ever let out a single cry of surprise, or fear. She was silent when her brother stepped on a landmine right in front of her, she had been solemn when watching Simon dig a bullet out of Mal's leg after a run-in with a band of pirates who had been rather inclined to steal Serentiy, and shot the captain after he'd taken out the majority of their party. Not a single peep had escaped from her lips when Niska had sliced off Mal's ear, and given it to her wrapped in a handkerchief.  
  
Zoe did not scream.  
  
Crashing into the sitting room, Mal shoved Jayne out of the way, and looked down at Wash who was lying in Zoe's arms. His first officer on the other hand was sitting on the floor staring over at the corner, her eyes wide like dinner plates as she continued to gape at empty space. Waving his hand in front of her face, Mal snapped Zoe out of it.  
  
"What the hell happened in here?"  
  
"I don't know, " said Jayne as he scratched the back of his neck. "One minute he was up, next minute he was on the floor."  
  
"Did you do this?" asked Mal.  
  
"He didn't do this," muttered Zoe quietly. "River did."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I saw her in the corner, she said that she wanted to talk to him." Jayne backed up towards the door, his face ashen as he took in the woman's words.  
  
"Oh shit!"  
  
"What? What is it Jayne?" The mercenary didn't say anything. "Damnit Jayne, either you tell me, or I send your ass out the airlock!"  
  
"Okay, Simon and River found out what I did on Ariel."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, well remember when I got banged up, and ended up in medbay?" Mal just glared at the other man. "Well when I was in there, Simon threatened me with... some things, and River said that she could kill me with her brain."  
  
"What?" Zoe started muttering under her breath. Rubbing his hand over his face, Mal stared up at the ceiling as he tried to think. Only a few minutes ago, River had been awake, but then she had one of her episodes - or was it something else?  
  
"Get Wash to medbay - don't ask questions Jayne, just do it. Zoe go with Wash, I'm going to see about the good doctor." With that he strode out into the corridor, his steps long and sharp as he headed to the Companion's shuttle. Not bothering to wait for an invitation, he walked right in, his way eventually blocked by Inara who stood glaring at him as he invaded her personal space.  
  
"Move." The woman just stood there with her arms folded defensively over her chest. The look on her face clearly telling the captain that she had absolutely no intention of moving anywhere. Mal smiled sarcastically, her simply picked the Companion up, and set her aside. Leaving her sputtering her indignation, Mal stormed into her bedroom, and stood staring down at Simon what was huddled in the sheets.  
  
"So, how long are you planning on being pathetic?" Simon smiled weakly.  
  
"Pathetic would be a step up I'm afraid."  
  
"Well then I suggest that you take that step, because I got two sick people on this ship, and I ain't about to let the preacher give them last rites just because you want to feel sorry for yourself!"  
  
"Did you ever stop and think that it might be more than just some sort of fit that I'm having? No? Well it doesn't surprise me!" Mal balled his fists. One the one hand he wanted to just grab Simon, and beat the living daylights out of him, on the other he knew that the younger man was going through a lot right now, and given everything that had happened in the past few months it wasn't such a stretch that the doctor would finally start to snap. Then again, Mal had been through a war. He had nightmares every night about the things that he'd seen other men do, and things that he'd done himself. However, unlike Simon, he'd learned to accept it a long time ago. He couldn't change it, couldn't undo it, just accpet it for what it was.   
  
"Look," Mal took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. For something that was used so much, he was surprised to find that the mattress was still firm. "I know that you've been through a lot."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Look Simon, I'm trying to give you some of that touchy-feely advice that you're so fond of, and I intend to give it. Now look, you've been through hell and back. You see your old man for what he is, your mom's messed up from being married to him, and somehow he's invovled in sending your sister off to be a nice guinea pig for the Alliance." Mal paused to see if Simon was listening. Judging by the way that the doctor's jaw was set, he had his attention.  
  
"After that you basically throw your life away to save your sister, and now you're on the run, living with us barbarians, and working for your cut of money from our less-than-legal activities."  
  
"Less-than-legal is a mild way of putting it." quipped Simon. Mal chose to ingore that.  
  
"Okay, but it's what it is. GET OVER IT! Yes, your sister is a burden, it's normal to feel that way. The girl is half-crazy, reads minds, and talks in code. You're living with criminals, albeit 'nice' criminals, but still-"  
  
"My life is nothing like I'd planned."   
  
"And you think mine is?" said Mal. "Hell, I was supposed to be a farmer, but the Alliance had other ideas. Wash was once a top-notch pilot, they kicked him out because they said he was crazy."  
  
"He plays with dinosaurs."  
  
"Well that might be the one time the Alliance was right about something, but look none of us here have lives like we planned. Hell, I'm sure even Inara here didn't plan on being a hooker." The Companion just glared at Mal icily from the corner where she was standing.  
  
"How do you do it?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"How do you 'live with it'?" Mal scratched the back of his neck as he thought. Well there wasn't any real science to it. He just did.  
  
"Well first I accept it, then I see how I can live with it, and then I start planning for the next day."  
  
"What if I can't?"  
  
"Well then I'll kick your skinny butt all over this ship until you do. Now do you feel like you can do some doctorin'?" Simon sighed, and woozily sat up. His face was still swollen from hitting the wall, and to top it off he also had a nice dark red arch under his left eye from where Mal clipped him. Then again, that was nothing compared to the purple and black ring surrounding the captain's right eye.  
  
"I'm sorry about hitting you."  
  
"I'm not." said Mal.  
  
***  
  
"He's unconscious." Simon stood in Wash and Zoe's quarters examining the pilot. Since his encounter with River, he'd been dead the the world. Zoe's mouth turned down at the corners, as the doctor went about his business.  
  
"I can see that Simon, what's wrong with my husband?"  
  
"I don't know. Has this happened before?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Does he have a history of seizures, migraines, or sensory disturbances?"  
  
"The only person who has that is Mal." Simon frowned, and looked over at Reynolds who was idly leaning against the wall.  
  
"Accident when I was a kid. Left me with a headache about once a week, seizures I haven't had since I was ten." Simon processed the information, and then went back to examining Wash.  
  
"As far as I can tell, he's just unconscious. If he wasn't knocked out, or exposed to some sort of viral or chemical agent, then I have no way of diagnosing him unless I have access to better equipment."  
  
"What if it was River?" Both men turned to look at Zoe who was now examining the floor. There was something about her tone, that Simon didn't like.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"When Wash passed out I saw - I saw her ghost in the corner of the room saying she just wanted to talk to him." Tam threw up his hands, and paced in front of the bed.  
  
"Look, I know that my sister is a special girl, but I doubt it seriously that she did this."  
  
"Well Jayne said that she told him that she could kill him with her brain." said Mal idly. Simon scoffed, and rubbed his forehead.  
  
"Okay, Jayne Cobb is far from a medical expert, and if I remember when River said that we we were having a rather tense discussion with him."  
  
"You mean threatening to kill him if he ever turned you and your sister in again?" The doctor turned pale. Even though he was silent, Mal knew that he'd guessed correctly about the rest of the story that the mercenary had left out.  
  
"I have to see about River." said Simon quietly as he walked out of the room. Zoe watched him leave, and then turned back to Wash.  
  
"Mal, I think she did something to him."  
  
"I think so too Zoe, but I don't think she intended to hurt him."  
  
"Then why is my husband in a coma?"  
  
"I don't know-"  
  
"You heard what Jayne said!"  
  
"Zoe-"  
  
"No!" Zoe cut Mal off as she walked back and forth in the room. Wash was her life, her soulmate, the father of her unborn child, and the last thing she needed wasa to be a widowed mother because of some gaisi girl with mental problems.  
  
"I lost a lot of people in the war Mal."  
  
"I know, I was there."  
  
"And I won't lose my husbad. If she did something to him..." Zoe's hand came to rest on the butt of her gun. Reynolds got the message loud and clear. Rubbing his head, which was beginning to ache again, he stepped up the stairs that led into the hall.  
  
"Okay, look until Wash quits breathing or something let's just give River the benefit of the doubt here. Can you do that?" Zoe folded her arms across her chest.  
  
"Barely sir."  
  
"Good. Now, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. In the meantime just make sure Wash is okay." With that Mal left. His footsteps taking him down to his quarters where River was residing. Naturally, Simon wasn't there. He probably thought River was in their room. Making sure that her brother was nowhere in sight, he shut the hatch, and stood staring down at the girl curled up in his bed.  
  
"I know you're awake, so you can quit pretendin'" River's eyes opened, her slim face pointing towards Reynolds as he stood there watching.  
  
"Did Wash get my message?"  
  
"Yeah, he got it, and now Zoe wants to give you one of her own. Now, I am the only thing standing between you and her, so either you tell me what the fuck you did to my pilot, or I let her ask ya." River shakily sat up. Worse was an understatement about how she felt right about now, but with what Zoe had in mind...  
  
"He needs to hide the ship."  
  
"Huh? Why does he need to do that?"  
  
"Because of the wolves."  
  
"Damnit River, I don't understand that shit! I need words."  
  
"I'm trying!" River started crying from both stress and illness. The sound high, and nasal as she sat there rocking back and forth on the bed. "It's hard to even speak!" Mal thumped his head against the wall, the action jarring loose a flexi on the shelves. Picking it up, he remembered the clarity River had with pens, and handed it to the girl.  
  
"Okay, tell me then." River opened her mouth. "With this." He handed her the silicone slip, and the stylus. Taking it in her hands, she wrote something on the blue surface before handing it back to Mal. Picking up the slip, he examined what she wrote.  
  
"Reavers." Mal paced around the room. It made sense. Wash was the pilot, he could move the ship, and keep the Reavers from finding them. But that didn't explain why he was unconscious.  
  
"What did you do to Wash River?"  
  
"I spoke to him."  
  
"How?" River reached out to Mal. Her slim, pale hand shaking slightly as it hovered in mid-air. Taking it, Mal cautiously approached the bed. Simon's sister smiling oddly as if she had some sort of secret.  
  
"How did you talk to him River?"  
  
"Like this." said a voice in his head. 


	7. Pieces of The Puzzle

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
VIII  
  
"How is she?" Mal looked up from River and over at Simon was was standing in the entrance to the captain's quarters. Reynold's let River's hand drop like a hot rock as he stood up hastily from the side of his bed. Tam just gave him a funny look, and went over to examine his sister. Shaking Mal rubbed the back of his head which was now throbbing harder than it had before. He'd had headaches in the past, but this one- Mal paused, and then looked back at River who was trying to explain to her brother what was wrong, but without much success.  
  
"She's been feverish most of the day." said Mal idly. Ever since River had been on board, he'd had an increase in his migraines. Normally he had maybe one or two in a month, and could go for long periods of time without even having one. But since the arrival of the siblings, he had one almost every day, and lately since River had begun to stabilize they had been getting worse.  
  
"River are you in any pain?" His sister just looked at him.  
  
"How many times have I told you?" Simon sighed, and looked over at Mal for help. Either he was completely oblivious to the expression on the older man's face, or was attributing it to Mal's propensity for having strange moods.  
  
"She's had a stomachache for a few days, last night she said it felt like she was being gutted."  
  
"Okay." Simon ran his hands over his sister's midsection, the action causing her to hunch over in pain. Forwning, Simon took a syringe out of the bag he had with him, and with some cajoling managed to get a sample of blood.  
  
"I think I know what's wrong with her, but I'm just going to run some tests first to be sure. I'll be right back." Simon left, Mal sitting down on the bed as soon as he was gone.  
  
"You've been trying to get in my head, haven't you?"  
  
"It's like cracking a coconut."  
  
"River, stay out of my mind. You ever think I might not want to share?"  
  
"I stayed out of Jayne's mind, and he wanted to throw me to the wolves. He got stupid, the money was too good." Mal flinched slightly at River's word-for-word recitation of what the mercenary had said when he had been in the airlock when Mal had been deciding on whether or not he was going to kill him. Apparently, River knew more about what had been going on than he'd originally thought.  
  
"I can understand that River, but not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes you just have trust people."  
  
"And you do?"  
  
"No, but I don't go digging through their minds!" Hissed Mal as he checked to make sure that Simon wasn't back yet. The last thing he needed was the doctor catching this conversation.  
  
"You could have killed Wash."  
  
"He isn't dead."  
  
"He isn't awake either!"  
  
"You have to wake him up! They're coming!"  
  
"River just because you sense something God knows how far away, doesn't mean you play puppet with my crew!" River closed her eyes as she focused on something for a minute, and then turned her attention back to Mal.  
  
"I wasn't playing puppet. Do you think I understand how to be this way? I cannot be as everyone else, it's not in my DNA to be like everyone else."  
  
"Look River, I know it would be great if there were some ground rules for this, but for now could you just keep it to yourself?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I have some bad news." Simon stepped into Mal's wurters, took a look on the expression on his sister's face, and wondered what the hell had happened in the last twenty minutes while he was gone.  
  
"What is it Doc?"  
  
"I think River has appendicitis, which means that-" River let out a high shriek, and bolted out of the room. Simon let out a defeated sigh as her yells echoed through the halls. "She has to have it removed."  
  
"Oh great, and we all know how much River loves medical attention. What the hell can go wrong next?"  
  
"Sir?" Mal looked up as Zoe peeked around the corner of the door.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's Wash, he woke up."  
  
"And?"  
  
"I think you have to see this for yourself."  
  
***  
  
Between the time Zoe had left, and the time it took for her to get Mal and come back Kaylee had wandered into their quarters where the man sat writing something on the wall. He'd been out for at least two hours, but he didn't seem to even be tired as he continued to scrawl strange symbols on the wall with a stub of a pastel that he'd picked up behind River. The mechanic came over to where he sat, and peered at his doodles.  
  
"Whatcha drawing?" she asked midly as Wash continued to work. He frowned for a minute as he contemplated the question. What was he drawing, and why? He wasn't quite sure, but for some reason his hands kept following the intructions in his mind. Up around, smudge, and blend.  
  
"I don't know," he said finally. "But I have to finish it before they come."  
  
"Who?" asked Kaylee.  
  
"Wolves." Kaylee frowned at the answer, and just continued to sit next to the pilot. Eventually Zoe returned with Simon and Mal in tow. The three stood there and stared at the pilot's drawing, their faces containing the same confusion as Kaylee's as they watched him.  
  
"Uh, Wash are you okay?"  
  
"Great Mal, just drawin'."  
  
"Drawin' what?"  
  
"He doesn't know." said Kaylee. "He said he just has to finish it before the wolves come." Zoe's mouth turned down at the corners as she looked hard at Simon. She could tell by the look on the doctor's face that he knew as well as she did which member of the crew was always ranting about wolves coming to get her.  
  
"Wash would you mind if I examine you?"  
  
"How about later?"  
  
"How about now." said Mal walking over to where the man sat. Wash shrugged, and continued to scrawl on the wall. His hands rubbing one corner hard for a second, before he finally stood up and let the piece of pastel fal from his fingers.  
  
"Its done." Everyone looked at the wall. On it Wash had drawn a perfect replica of a Reaver ship, underneath was a series of numbers and letters drawn so close together that they looked like gibberish, but as Wash examined his handiwork a small idea began to form in the back of his mind.  
  
"Wash why did you draw that?" asked Zoe anxiously. Wash had the artistic skill of a two-year-old, the best he'd ever drawn was stick-figures in a card he'd once given her. Again there was only one person present who was capable of drawing with that level of realism and accuracy.  
  
"I don't know, I just needed to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"'Cause the wolves are coming." he replied. The tone of his voice revealing that he had abosulutely no idea what he was talking about, or even why he was thinking about it. The only thing he was sure of was that for some reason there were images in his head that didn't belong there. Something that also confused him, because he didn't remember how thay got there. It was as if someone had put them in his head. Mal walked over to where Wash stood, and looked at the string of numbers. Bending down, he stared at them for a minute, before putting his hand over a few sections. Swearing he stood up.  
  
"Wash are these coordinates?"  
  
"Huh?" The pilot looked down at his handiwork. If he put a space there, and there- "Yeah, funny huh?"  
  
"Okay Simon, this isn't going to sit well with you, and Zoe I don't want you going crazy but I think River did this."  
  
"Obviously." said Zoe. Simon shook his head.  
  
"Look we know that River is capable of sensing the minds of others, but this? You're giving her to much credit."  
  
"Really?" said Mal turning to look at the younger man. "Then I guess she was lying when she told me straight out she did this." Simon turned a shade, and looked at the floor.  
  
"Why. If, and I mean 'if' she did this then why?"  
  
"Because she picked up on a Reaver ship, and this was the only way she could warn us?" Everyone looked at Kaylee.  
  
"Excuse me?" said Zoe.  
  
"Well see most of my family are Readers, and once though we had a cousin who was a Seer and she could talk to people with her mind 'cause she was kinda like River."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Simon.  
  
"Well she had this thing where she was real smart, but she couldn't do things except a certain way. The doctors called it awfulism or something."  
  
"Autism." mumbled Simon. "You said you had a cousin, what happened to her?"  
  
"Fever." There was a moment of silence as everyone took in what Kaylee had said, before turning back to the matter at hand.  
  
"Look," said Mal." River did this, I already talked to her about it, but if she did pick up on something then I want to know about it. Wash are you right yet?" Wash scratched the back of his head, and thought for a minute.  
  
"I guess so, but..."  
  
"Simon and I will take care of River. Zoe, you going to be all right?" Everyone turned to see an empty spot where Zoe once stood. Mal had a very bad feeling start low in the pit of his stomach, and settle there. Yelling in frustration, he stomped out into the hall.  
  
"Wash run the sensors at those coordinates, Simon go get medbay ready, and Kaylee start looking for River."  
  
"What are you going to do?" asked Wash. "Something stupid. I'm going to get between River and Zoe."  
  
***  
  
Zoe walked through the ship with her mind set on finding Simon's sister. The strange behavior she could understand, the fact that the girl wasn't right she could accept, and her ability to read everyone's mind she could tolerate. But Wash was another matter. No one, absolutlely NO ONE touched her husband.  
  
Pausing in the middle of the hallway, Zoe looked down the corridor to her left, and then the right. Heading down to the cargo bay, she started hunting around the crates, and looking under the shelves.  
  
"You're going to kill me aren't you?" Zoe looked up to see River sitting between two boxes. The shadows making the dark circles under her eyes look even worse. From where she was standing Zoe could see the fine sheen of sweat on the girl's skin, and smell the sickly-sweet sweat of illness.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"The why doesn't matter as much as the how does it?"  
  
"Not really." The two stared at each other for a few minutes. The silence stretching between them for what seemed like an eternity.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt him, I was only trying to warn him."  
  
"Ever think of words?"  
  
"Ever think that I have tried, but found that they are met with deaf ears?"  
  
"That's not my problem."  
  
"When the wolves eat you and your baby it will be." Zoe paused for a beat. Damn, leave it River to say something that would hit a nerve. The girl had a point, on the one hand she was trying to warn them, on the other no one liked having their personal thoughts intruded on.  
  
"If I knew, I never would have done."  
  
"Do you ever stop? I mean really do you ever stop for a minute?"  
  
"I can't stop!" cried the girl from her shadowy corner. "If I could I would not be broken, I would not be still an ocean without water. Just holes where completeness once was!"  
  
"You don't do this to Mal!"  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"You know, I'm wonderin' that myself." Both looked over as Mal walked into the cargo bay. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked at Zoe, and then at the boxes where River was hiding.  
  
"Now, what say we work this go se out once and for all?" 


	8. The Wolves

Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu  
  
(Note: Sorry this took so long, I've been busy. I promise the next chapter will be longer :)  
  
VIII  
  
"See anything?"  
  
"For the thousandth time - no." Wash bit back an urge to say something more unpleasant to Jayne who was currently breathing down his neck, but decided to hold his tongue mainly because of the fact that Zoe wasn't there to back him up. Yes, he knew how it sounded even to him, but there were just some things a man didn't do unless his wife was there with him. Especially if said wife could drop a man at two hundred yards while riding a horse at full gallop.  
  
With the sun in her eyes.  
  
Jayne scoffed under his breath, and walked over to lean against the wall. It had been a good thirty minutes since Mal had gone to settle things between Zoe and River, the rest of the crew making sure everything was buttoned up tight in case Simon's sister wasn't imagining things. Personally, Jayne wouldn't have given River's words a second thought, but given what had happened between her and Niska he wasn't to inclined to brush her off as just being crazy.  
  
"You sure you don't see anything?" Wash turned away from his console, and glared at the mercenary.  
  
"Okay when you're flying a big powerful starship, it needs to be able to see things such as asteroids, and murderous cannibals. For it to do that it needs sensors which tell the genius pilot whether or not there's something out there. Now, since this little blue screen here hasn't so much as twitched in the past couple of mnutes, it's safe to say that I haven't seen shit." Jayne hefted himself off of the wall, and strode over to where the smaller man sat.  
  
"You know, I'm startin' to get a little tired of you." Wash opened his mouth to say something back when the console behind him beeped audibly. Ignoring Jayne, he turned to examine the readout, his face paling as the ship's computer sent back information describing the form of craft that was now running it's own sensor sweep of the area.  
  
"Shit."  
  
"What?"  
  
"River was right," Wash bought the engines up to full power, and started steering Serenity towards a nearby asteroid belt. "There's a Reaver ship just five lightyears out, at the exact coordintates-"  
  
"That ya drew on the wall?" The silence that followed let Jayne know that he was right. Carefully, Wash took them into the rocky explanse, his hope was that by doing so he would buy the crew some time, and avoid further detection by the Reavers. At the distance they were at, and the level of debris it was safe to assume that for now they would think their sensors had returned a scan of a rock with a high metal content.  
  
"Get Mal up here fast, let him know what's going on." Jayne ran out into the corridors, his heavy footsteps thudding into the distance as he headed for the cargo bay. Rubbing his head which was still aching slightly, Wash hoped against hope that the Reavers didn't find them.  
  
***  
  
"So Zoe, are ya going to shoot her or what?" Zoe stood in the shadows staring at River who was still hunched up into a ball in the corner. The girl hadn't moved in the past half hour, neither had the older woman. The two still at a draw as Mal casually leaned against the nearby bulkhead.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Well come on, ya came down here all ready to do her, what's stopping you now?"  
  
"Never shot someone who didn't deserve it outright." Mal gasped theatrically.  
  
"Ya mean to tell me ya never murdered someone?" Zoe shot Mal a poisonous look. She knew what he was referring to, an incident that she didn't particularly care to think about, but one that left her with an inability to sleep at night.  
  
"That was an accident."  
  
"No it wasn't." muttered River quietly.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Girl's got a point." said Mal idly. "Wasn't no accident, and neither was why you did it. You shot a woman in the back after you killed her husband who tried to kill me. Now, I ain't got problems with what you did to him, but you shot her 'cause you were afraid she saw your face. Something that I'm sure those three kids of hers really don't appreciate."  
  
"That was different."  
  
"How? You're going to shoot River here 'cause she's a Seer. What, you're going to tell me that its mercy or something?"  
  
"She's reading our minds."  
  
"And you heard what Ennes said, she ain't the only one. Thinking like that you should shoot everyone coming."  
  
"I got a baby to worry about."  
  
"The baby can see even though it's in the dark." Both crewmen turned to look at River who was now leaning against the wall. There was something in her eyes that unsettled Zoe, almost as if she knew something, but wasn't saying.  
  
"Mal-"  
  
"Well If you're going to shoot her, I guess I don't have much to say to change your mind..." Zoe glanced at River, but turned her attention back to her captain.  
  
"What are you suggesting?"  
  
"Well River here has said that there aren't any real rules to this Seer thing, and I was just thinking that if there were some we might not have incidents like this one here."  
  
"Oh? What kind of rules?" Mal pulled a flexi out of his pocket.  
  
"Well like these ones here I found in Selma's room after she left. Now some might say that was a coincidence, maybe she knew something like this would happen. But, it's your decision." Zoe's eyes danced between Mal and River before she holstered her gun.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Well now didn't that work out nice?" River crept out of her hiding spot, and immediately took refuge behind Mal. Her pale fingers curled around the flexi, as she took it from the captain. Zoe stood glaring at Reynolds, he mouth still turned down at the corners.  
  
"Mal-"  
  
"Later Zoe, right now-" At that moment Jayne came bounding down the stairs into the cargo bay. Given the way his face was flushed it was obvious that he had been running hard.  
  
"Jayne what is it?"  
  
"That gorram girl was right."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"We've got Reavers." 


End file.
